Jason's Story: The Name Game

Several months ago I was out on a date with this woman I had met online. The evening was progressing relatively well. We had a great dinner together at this restaurant in Hollywood and followed it up with drinks and dessert at another. It was our third date.

At some point in the evening, the conversation turned to our online dating experiences. In truth, this sort of fascinates me. Hearing of other peoples trials and tribulations over their online dating experiences is akin to watching a train wreck…you just can’t look away. We shared stories of our dating disasters, the uncomfortable moments, the people we’d met that look nothing like the pictures they have posted. The people that lie about their age…etc. She told me that she had been on several dates over the previous few months. So many, that her friends couldn’t keep their names straight…so they actually had made up names for her dates.

One poor guy was dubbed “Hairy” because of his chest hairs that kept popping out from the top of his shirt. One was referred to as “Homer” because apparently over sized rounding belly. Another guy was just referred to as “Doctor” for obvious reasons. As she is telling me all this, it suddenly dawns on me that she’s probably got a name for me too. She did.

“perfect on paper”

What the hell does that mean? I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be really upset over this or mildly amused. I chose the latter in part because, I too had a made up name for her, but also because I already knew this relationship was going nowhere. Anyway, my friends knew her as “redheaded-psycho-ticketmaster-lawyer-chic-that-is- actually-still-married”.

*snicker, snicker*